after another night of turning from side to side
and the endless drifting of mind and the world
it seeks to know yet deciding in the dark that all
is useless and we are all just waiting to die
I was dizzy getting out of bed slightly disoriented
and felt that rolling back in for another hour
of the searching and questioning and remembering
would be better than feeding the dogs and getting the paper
and it was true so that now after picking up
from an evening's self-flagellation and frustration
from going and coming back to being myself
I can begin to see the long view for the short remaining
months or years or days that I have left whatever may
they be that I must be prepared having done everything
that I say I will do or wanted to do or fell into
and couldn't extract myself from for this is life
not waiting for the end and the credits but extending
the climax and frustrating the denouement into receeding
until the last frame and then, ah, the simultaneous look
of suprise and contentment at not having wasted this Gift.
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